What Is This Pattern?
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that seeks to take away a person's liberty and freedom, stripping away their sense of self. Unlike single incidents of abuse, coercive control is an ongoing pattern that may include: isolation from friends and family, monitoring and surveillance, controlling finances, restricting freedom of movement, degradation, threats, and manipulation of children or pets. It creates a climate of fear that makes leaving extremely difficult. Coercive control is recognized as a form of domestic abuse in many jurisdictions.
Common Examples
"I need to know where you are at all times. Share your location with me or I'll assume the worst."
"You don't need to work. I'll handle the money. Just give me your paycheck and I'll manage our finances."
"Your friends are a bad influence. I don't want you seeing them anymore."
"I'm checking your phone because I care about you. If you have nothing to hide, why does it matter?"
"You can't wear that. People will think you're trying to attract attention."
"I decide what we do, where we go, and who we see. That's how a relationship works."
"If you leave me, I'll tell everyone what you've done. No one will believe you."
"I track your car because I worry about your safety. You should be grateful."
Warning Signs
- Demands to know your whereabouts constantly (tracking apps, frequent check-ins)
- Controlling access to money, transportation, or communication devices
- Isolating you from friends and family
- Making all major decisions without your input
- Monitoring your phone, email, or social media
- Dictating what you can wear, eat, or how you spend your time
- Using threats against you, your children, pets, or belongings
- Creating rules that only apply to you, not them
- Making you feel like you need permission for basic activities
- Punishment for not following their expectations
Healthy Alternatives
When facing similar situations, here's what healthy communication looks like:
- "I respect your autonomy to make your own decisions about your life."
- "Your friendships and family relationships are important. I support you spending time with them."
- "Our finances should be transparent to both of us with equal access."
- "Privacy is healthy in relationships. I trust you."
- "You can wear what makes you comfortable and happy."
- "Major decisions affect us both, so let's make them together."
How Bedrock Identifies This Pattern
Bedrock's AI looks for patterns that indicate power and control dynamics rather than isolated incidents. Key indicators include: surveillance language (tracking, monitoring, checking), isolation tactics (discouraging outside relationships), financial control references, dictating behavior or appearance, threats (explicit or implicit), and creating dependency. The model tracks these patterns across conversations, noting escalation and the overall climate being created. When coercive control indicators are detected, the analysis includes safety resources.
Learn More
Authoritative sources and further reading on this topic:
Related Patterns
This pattern often appears alongside or shares characteristics with: